The "real" us...

Okay - so today's post is going to be a "transparent" post.  This means you're getting a good look into me and my mind.  As some of you know, Caeden was not the easiest baby.  As a newborn, he had his nights & days flipped.  Once we got that fixed and he established good nighttime sleeping, he decided to not be a good napper.  And that's how it's been ever since.  He takes a nap and falls asleep easy - just doesn't sleep very long.  When he was 6 mos old, I surrendered this and accepted the fact that he just doesn't LOVE to sleep (complete opposite of his mommy). 

However, some of the hardest times were his wake times.  Even as a one month old, I remember having to entertain him when he was awake.  He wouldn't sit in his swing, bumbo, bouncy seat - nothing - unless I was there to do something to engage him.  Now...Did I do this all the time?  NO - I was so exhausted that I quickly learned he would just have to learn.  So if I had to get up and do something, I did - I just did it with him fussing in the background.

Fast forward to one year old!  When he turned one, he became a much better baby!  I'm wondering if learning to walk had something to do with this.  He was still fussy, but was much more content overall. 

But lately, I feel like we've switched back to our old child.  Every day I'm so exhausted because he fusses so much.  I always eliminate hunger, tiredness, and even the possibilty of him being hurt or sick.  And he just is so discontent.  The last few days we even go outside to play in the water and he's not happy.  It's like he's bored, but he has a ton of toys!  So, my biggest fear is that I'm going to have one of "those kids," that is not fun for other people to be around.

We've had trouble with discipline as well.  We started time-out when he was 9 mos old and have been very consistent with this.  We've recently started spanking for outright defiance (disobedience) and it seriously doesn't seem to bother him.  He'll cry...And we'll talk about it.  And then within 5 minutes he's doing the same thing.  I feel like all I do is either spank or put him in time-out.  Which makes me think - None of my tactics are working...

I don't know - I know this is part of being a mom.  And I love Caeden so much!  I truly do!  I just pray that my next baby is a little "easier."  I also pray that God would eventually get a hold of Caeden's heart and help him to fall in love with God more than anything - regardless of what I do right or wrong in my parenting. 

So I'm posting this because I feel like all of my blog posts (and most other people's) are about all our happy times.  Of course, these are the days that I want to keep record of, thus I post about them.  But I don't want you to think we have a picture-perfect life because we don't!  Reid and I love each other and love Caeden very much.  But we definitely have normal struggles as parents.  So, please know as you read my blog, that I am very much the same as you (with similar struggles )at heart.